Of the things I look forward to, not dealing with you any longer ranks high on my list.
Sometimes I just want to punch my fist through something… A trait I no doubt picked up from my job… That feisty anger, when things aren’t going well, and I worked so hard just to get it to be where it’s at and yet somehow, the work is just beginning.
Don’t give up. Don’t stop yet. Apparently the end becoming closer was just the half way mark of the first set and there is still no time to sleep…
And then there is you… What am I going to do with you when there is barely time to just keep breathing…. You say you want to help me… You can start by stop trying to help…. Let’s resolve to the fact that we aren’t here to help each other. Let’s start by removing that pressure from the start. I’m not your project. I’m not your fix… Lord knows I am not going to even attempt to try to fix you back. You broke it, you fix it…. And I will do the same…
We come together because we like each other. We’re not science fair projects. We can’t stay held together by a smile and some glue. Things just don’t really work that way.
You came along when I was half way out from half way on to the next part of my life.. and I begged you to let me shape it on my own…. but you were persistant… Staying far enough away to taste delicious… Close enough to get me sucked… Sucking.. sucked…. in.
Somehow what I never wanted to let happen is happening again…
I finally broke my lazy streak and made it to 5am yoga. It’s also the first class in a long time I made it through every single pose and set.
Starting the day off right and working towards an optimistic and productive day.
I’ve spent so much time wasted. Being afraid.
Afraid of failure.
Afraid to succeed.
Afraid to compete.
Afraid to die.
Afraid to live.
Afraid to leave and say goodbye.
So much time I’ve wasted all for what?
It’s time to learn to change.
I have to learn to escape my mind.
I can’t even recognize myself at times.
I will. I promise to myself. I will.